Your Kid Doesn’t Need “Fixing”
If I could turn back the clock a few years, I would smack myself over the head with this truth. My kid never needed to be fixed, and neither does yours.
There’s a good chance that if you are reading this, you are the parent of a tricky kid. Maybe they have bigger than average feelings. Or maybe they have a diagnosis that helps explain their behaviors. Maybe you are at your wits end. You almost definitely blame yourself, on some level.
One thing you are not, however, is alone.
I’m also the parent of a challenging child. I knew from infancy that he was different than other kids, but it was so hard to validate because it was too easy to write off the issues as just part of the transition to parenthood, and I was often told that “all babies are hard.” Well-meaning family members who offered advice mostly made me feel inadequate at a time when I was already fragile, and I couldn’t figure out how my friends with kids seemed to parent so effortlessly.
Turns out, I am mom to a very special kid who is a bit “extra.”
But I desperately wish someone had just said to me that I was doing a great job.
I wish more people could have seen all of his wonderful qualities instead of focusing on perceived shortcomings. I wish someone had validated me when I cried about how difficult parenthood seemed to be.
More importantly, I wish someone had helped me embrace my reality. It may never be easy, but it is a joy and it is a challenge and it pushes us parents of the tricky ones to our limits. We are strong in ways that others will never know.
What if I told you that your child is special and that their “deficits” may one day be their greatest strengths?
What if I challenged you to fixate with all your might on the good you see?
What if you paused and made a list of all of your child’s most wonderful qualities every time you noticed?
What if you helped create an environment that supported their unique needs, rather than try to force your sweet little square peg into a round hole?
What if you expected caregivers and teachers to see your kiddo’s unique strengths too?
What if you became your child’s greatest advocate in this world?
You’ll notice that this doesn’t contain any “how to” parent hard kids. But I won’t close without one piece of advice.
Your child, no matter how insanely difficult they may be to parent, deserves unconditional love. Not love only when they are well-behaved, and not love only if they conform to certain norms that would make your life easier. They need to be told every single day, many times a day, that they are loved, valued, special, and to feel safe with you. They need to know that even when they make mistakes, they are still worthy of love.
So even when you are absolutely done, practice saying to your child “Mommy is feeling really ______ right now, but I love you no matter what, even when you _______. You know that right?”
Then go give yourself the break you need to get back at it.
While I shy away from giving too much generic advice about how to parent a kid (because gosh, if I had all of the answers, I’d already have written a book). If you want to explore the ways to be the best parent to even the toughest kids, coaching is the solution you’ve been seeking. We will uncover your strengths, your child’s strengths, create systems and environments to help your kiddo thrive, and for you to have more good days. It’s not magic. It’s work. For the parent who feels hopeless, we can find so much hope and potential together. Book a free discovery call now or come follow along on Instagram
