Toddler Bedtime Battles

Statistics show that babies who don’t sleep well do not “outgrow” their sleep issues. Most babies who wake several times a night at twelve months will still be waking during the night at age five if nothing is done. Simply “outgrowing” fitful sleep is unlikely.

Add in the complexity of a kid that transitions out of the crib and has ever-growing will power and the conditions are ripe for some epic toddler bedtime battles.

So, now here you and are with a toddler on your hands and maybe you had hoped they would just outgrow their sleep problems. They didn’t. You probably once swore you would never have a child that climbed into your bed every night, and you were certain you would strike that perfect balance as a parent who could be both authoritative and loving and bedtime would be a well-orchestrated routine every night. Then real life happened and exceptions became habits and now your child won’t sleep in their own room.

Now what?

Well, you have to decide if you want things to change and make a commitment to yourself to follow through.

You want them to sleep in their own bed? You want them to sleep there without you? You want them to stay there all night? Yes? Alright. Let’s talk about how to make that happen.

The beautiful thing about toddlers and older children is that, though willful and usually stubborn, most of them can understand why you want them to sleep in their beds. They might not like it very much, but they can more or less understand that sleeping in their own bed and sleeping all night makes for a happier mommy and daddy. They are also old enough to respond to some combination of routine and rewards. That might look different for different kids, but it is not impossible and certainly never too late.

1) Establish a bedtime routine if you don’t already have one.

For bigger kids, it might take as long as 45 minutes, and it should always go in a straight line toward bed. This means don’t change into pajamas in their room, then walk downstairs for some milk, then go back up to brush teeth, then return to their room… Have one last snack in the kitchen, then go up to the bathroom to potty and brush teeth, then pajamas, then books and snuggles, and off goes the light. Do this routine in the same order, in the same rooms, every single day- mixing it up is confusing. Consistency is everything.

2) Get your big kid to “buy in” to the change by asking them to help.

Have them tell you what might help them sleep better and more independently. What rewards might be worth it to them? In what order should bedtime go? How many books should we read- two or three? What song do they want sung as a lullaby? To give your child control over as much of the process as possible is to empower them to meet the goals ahead. They can further participate by constructing a visual routine chart- coloring and decorating a chart that shows what happens first, next, last. Then go over the routine together for a few days before you start to make any changes so they know what to expect.

3) Implement a plan that you can stick with!

There are any number of methods tip and tricks to use for toddlers. You can sit in their room and move your chair further and further from their bedside each night until you are out the door following their routine. . You could do a Ferber-style check-in approach. You could do a token system. You could have the sleep fairy visit and leave a treat under their pillow to find in the morning if they stay in their bed all night. The list goes on.

None of these methods are secrets, and every single one will work if you are consistent. It only comes down to what is best for your child, you, and your family. Pick something, and stick to it. Some methods are faster and some take more time, but you’ll get there!

4) Safety first

I can’t forget to remind you to be safe. Install child-proof cordless blinds, cover outlets, mount furniture to the walls, and remove anything that might be hazardous if your child moves around the room at night. Consider a baby gate or child-proof handle on the door. I know parents balk at locking their toddlers in, but most just aren’t old enough to handle the freedom of walking out the door. God forbid there was an emergency or fire, your child would be safest staying put and not touching a potentially hot doorknob or opening a door and letting in the smoke. A cover over the handle would protect your child and make sleep training easier.

If your child has some extraordinary circumstances or needs a little more attention, let’s chat about it! There is an endless list of other tips and tricks to throw into the mix and I can help come up with the best plan for you.