What is a Sleep Consultant? and Other Questions from the Haters
Wouldn’t you know it, I was finally attacked just the other day by an internet troll.
I had heard they were out there and that they didn’t like sleep consultants. Maybe this means I’ve finally hit the big time if I have haters coming out of the woodwork to question who I am and what I offer.
I won’t lie, for a minute she had me flustered, but I decided that rather than get down about a single person with too much time on their hands, I would flip their questions over and answer them here for all to read.
So here we have them: Questions from the Haters
This fluff ball is probably cuter than the hater that came at me, but she didn’t want to share her photo. Kidding. I didn’t ask. Maybe I’ll ask her later.
What on Earth does a sleep consultant do?
A sleep consultant is a professional that is trained to guide parents in the creation of good sleep habits, promote safe and healthy sleep, establish routines, teach independent sleep, and empower parents with the tools and information to meet their baby or child’s sleep needs.
A good sleep consultant will listen closely to you and your concerns, prepare a plan unique to your family, be flexible in their approach, and support you along the way. Certified sleep consultants are trained to refer out if they spot or suspect an underlying medical issue and should never act in the role of a medical professional. They do not advise on medication, feeding, or sickness unless they have the additional background training and education. A sleep consultant should never pressure a parent into choices that run counter to their parenting style or beliefs.
Services and support will vary, but the bottom line is that parents who hire a sleep consultant can expect a wealth of information, options, support, tools, and strategies to meet their goals for their child’s sleep.
What is your education and training?
I am personally certified through the Institute of Pediatric Sleep and Parenting. No, it is not linked to a university or hospital and no, I do not have a degree in sleep consulting. It is “just” a certificate. There are many things I am not: not a nurse, a doctor, or an early childhood educator. I spent six months on my certification in a program that is approved by the International Institute of Complementary Therapists. I have, of course, read all of the books out there and continue my education constantly.
After almost two years sleep consulting, I have worked with over 125 families. The experience I bring from these consultations informs every one that follows. Herein lies the real value of a sleep consultant. Education coupled with a wealth of experience and knowledge working with children and families to help everyone get their best sleep. A book can’t cater its information to meet your child’s needs. It can be a fabulous source of information and how-to’s, but read on…
What do you offer that can’t be found in books and blogs?
This is honestly a good question. I can’t hate the haters for this one.
You can read, read, read every book, blog, and study out there on infant and child sleep. Do it. You can DIY a sleep plan. It might work beautifully, especially if your child falls right at the peak of the normal curve. Or it might not, if your child is anything but precisely average.
Sleep is a puzzle with many moving parts. A sleep consultant is an objective outside expert who can, for one, make sure all of the pieces are there and facing upwards. Then, they can put them together with you. Occasionally the puzzle pieces shift right before our eyes and a sleep consultant can assess the situation and make adjustments in real time. They spot patterns, make recommendations, and improve on the plan even after it is written. They help snap the pieces into place.
Sleep consultants are especially useful for children with low sleep needs or atypical schedules. Not every family needs a sleep consultant, and I am the first to admit that. Which brings me to our next question…
How can you sleep at night after preying on tired moms?
Perhaps I can’t speak for every consultant out there. There probably are some that are a tad predatory about sales. So, I’ll opt to only speak for myself:
I sleep just fine at night because I work hard not to pressure anyone into buying something that won’t help them. My blog is full of genuinely useful information that might just answer your sleep questions without paying a dime. I always gladly answer parents’ one-off questions and if it is a simple fix, I can just hand them the piece of the puzzle they were missing.
My mission from the very beginning of my journey was to be affordable and accessible. If money comes between you and sleep, ask me- I want to help you anyway. No judgement, no shame. I truly want to support you. The income I earn is a perk to helping real families in a real way.
Do you think it is okay to leave babies to cry all night?
Oh goodness, no. If parents were cool with letting their baby’s cry it out, they wouldn’t be looking for help. You don’t need a consultant to help with that.
No, no. My whole value is in creating a plan that is as gentle on your child as we can be! This is made possible by, of course, offering a variety of methods, but also by ensuring that an appropriate schedule and routine are in place before you begin to set your child up for success with a sleep training method.
But sleep training will ruin the mother-baby bond!
Research indicates that sleep training is, at worst, neutral with respect to bonding.
I’ve read all the opinion pieces out there, or at least enough of them to suggest that it is bonkers to think that a couple of days of potentially tough love can destroy the bond you have spent countless hours and days nurturing. All the feeding, cuddling, playing, smiling, babbling, and giggling you do with your baby cannot be undone that quickly. I’d be happy to link you with some other pieces of reading if you are worried about it!
What about nursing moms? They shouldn’t night wean unless they want to and baby is ready.
I will never, ever tell a mother not to nurse on demand or pressure them to night wean, and neither should any other good sleep consultant. I’m still nursing my own nearly-two-year-old. So don’t tell me you can’t have it both ways.
Are you charging people to teach about safe sleep?
No. I always promote safe sleep practices as recommended by the American Academy of Pediatrics and if you have questions about safe sleep, I will gladly field them or direct you to additional resources.
Sleep training is a Western construct and the rest of the world bedshares.
I will never shame a parent that has chosen to bedshare. If you wish to continue bedsharing, you probably don’t need a sleep consultant. I am here if and when a family wants to change their current habits. Don’t fix what ain’t broke for your family. I’ll more than likely refer you to the AAP guidelines for safe sleep to cover my rear end and liability, but I certainly won’t shame you or make you do anything.
Sleep training is just for selfish parents who don’t want to parent at night.
Maybe. Maybe there are parents out there who really just want their uninterrupted sleep. Who knows?
But there are also parents who:
· Know that the AAP recommends a certain number of total hours of sleep for children and wants their baby to get the recommended amount of sleep.
· Know that sleep is essential to growth, development, and wellness for babies.
· Are finding that the exhaustion they experience is exacerbating existing PPA/PPD and, with the support of their own doctor, perhaps therapy, and perhaps medication, know that getting restful sleep may truly help them be a happier and more loving parent.
· Found that being exhausted made them unsafe drivers or otherwise a danger to themselves or their child.
· Work a stressful job and just want to be the best they can be both at home and at work
· Struggle to keep their baby safe and would rather sleep train than rely on less safe sleeping arrangements to catch some sleep
· Have marriages that are struggling after baby, and have agreed that being able to spend some quality time together after bedtime would be a blessing for their family, or who need their room back to revive intimacy postpartum.
· Have any of dozens of other possible complexities in their life that lead them to the decision to work with a sleep consultant and it really isn’t your business or mine to judge their experience and choices.
Got more questions, haters? Bring ‘em and I’ll save them for another day 😉
