Top 3 Sleep Training Mistakes

Some common threads emerge from ask me anything calls…

Every month I take up to 15-20 Ask Me Anything Phone Consultations, and I see the same problems crop up for parents over and over. So, I am here to share with you the top three most common mistakes I see parents making in spite of their best efforts so that you might avoid a similar fate.

1) Parents are afraid to drop a nap

A schedule that either isn’t age-appropriate or a schedule that worked for a while and then seemed to stop is one of the top issues I see. Babies and even toddlers are developing so rapidly that schedules can and must change on a pretty regular basis. This might mean dropping a nap, even if it hurts. It might be adding wake time to the day, even if the schedule worked last week. it might mean instituting quiet time for your toddler when they outgrow their midday nap.

Don’t be afraid to do something different and don’t cling to a nap that isn’t serving your family anymore. A schedule change is the number one biggest mistake I see parents make.

2) Parents want their kids to be higher sleep needs than they really are

This is some tough love, parents. Unfortunately, I see this constantly.

Just because someone’s baby online has been sleeping 12 hours since 6 weeks, or takes a 4 hour nap and still sleeps through the night, does not mean that it is the best fit for your child.

Interestingly, baby’s sleep needs behave like a trait, warranting a unique approach to scheduling and sleep training for every kid. Some kids are what we call “high sleep needs” and others are “low sleep needs.” Many, many are perfectly average, and popular courses and books are typically a great fit for the average baby. It is the outliers that need special attention, and parents who need to adapt to meet the needs of the real child in their arms.

Most parents don’t want a lower sleep needs baby, so on the flip side, I can say with confidence that parents are more likely to make the mistake of trying to squeeze out too much sleep from their baby, with too many naps, too long nap times, not enough wake time, or enforcing an early bedtime.

This results in split nights, early morning waking, skipped naps, bedtime battles, and all manner of sleep issues.

The best thing you can do is figure out early where your child falls on the spectrum of high to low sleep needs.

3) Your schedule changes from one day to the next

Now hear me out, I am all for flexibility, naps on the go, and not allowing sleep to dominate your family life.

That said…

If your child is waking up at a different time every day, napping at different times, and going to bed at totally different times from one day to the next, then it is no wonder you face some regular sleep challenges. It is extremely difficult to figure out the problem when every day looks different, too!

The first thing I recommend hear is waking baby up at the same time every day, even on the weekends. Commit to a “desired wake time” to set the tone for the day and create some consistency in your days. Then, start doing your best to adhere to roughly age-appropriate wake windows. This will mean that naps start to happen at more or less the same time most days, and bedtime should follow with some predictability.

These mistakes are so, so common and if any of this sounds familiar, know that you are not alone in the struggle! These common sleep training mistakes are also easy fixes, which is great news for parents.